Archives for category: Believe

Read on;

  • Why not to tell a girl you fancy you’re gay and forget to say you’re straight.
  • Why I have to write and sing a song for a girl I met once.
  • Fresh Prince of Bel Air is an Icebreaker.

It’s a Monday night in Live Lounge and I’m sat listening to some music and chilling out at a table with a J2O
(Yes, J2O is still cool. Seriously.)

I’m tapping my hands and catch the eye of a girl who looks just like Amelie, from the film… Amelie.
(My A-Level English skills really showing there…)

She’s wearing glasses and looks like a very intelligent type of girl. I smile towards her and she breaks the eye contact. Yes. Round 1 to Dave.

So Amelie and all of her girl-friends come to sit around me at this table. (Maybe not purposefully, maybe they just wanted somewhere to sit, but don’t say that whilst I’m trying to inflate my ego.)

We get chatting after singing along to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. What a song. What an icebreaker. Thank you Will Smith.
(Nearly everyone knows the lyrics to this, great way to bond 😉 )

This is where things begin to get weird. Or perhaps… Different.

Amelie grabs my hand. She cowers over my palm up and down, left to right. She shakes her head in disapproval.
“What is wrong with my hand?!” I think to myself. I manage a laugh and pull my hand away.

I continue making conversation with this group of girls, and a few of them get up to dance. But this one girl, Emily, stays sat down.

We get chatting. Well, this after she tells me that she’s deaf. It took me a few moments to realise that’s what she was signing to me.

“Can you feel the music?” I ask her. Emily plays along with this (to her credit) and nods “yeah!” and twiddles her fingers in mid-air. Right, anyway, so things seem to be running smoothly. I actually rather fancy this girl. She seems really cool, a great laugh. We seem to be connecting. So I go up to the bar and buy her a drink. I place down her drink and she says;

“I’m not actually deaf you know…”

YAWHA?… NOT DEAF? YOU PLAYED ME ALONG!?I kept these thoughts to myself and tried to look as if this was a regular occurrence for an experienced campaigner like me. Although I’m sure my face resembled that of somebody who’d just hit the centre of a super sour gobstopper whilst also discovering that their Revel, was in fact, the Coffee Revel.

So we carry on chatting, and I’m so distracted by the deaf facade, that I miss all of Emily’s flirting signals. This stunning girl with an awe-inspiring personality and looks to match, and I’m missing the fact that we’re virtually sat on top of each other. I should’ve perhaps popped her a compliment and gone for goal (a kiss!) but nah, I missed my window! 

I’d been playing mister confidence all night, but when it came to the crunch, I was slower than a turning oil tanker and  as hopeless as a dog chasing its tail.

“Okay” I thought, once realising I was losing the game. “I need to do something drastic to salvage this.”

Emily asked me “Are you gay?”

My heart pounded with excitement “I can score one back here! – I can pretend I’m gay like Emily pretended she’s deaf! Great idea!” – (Yes, I have a ridiculously competitive attitude sometimes)

So I replied to her; “Yes, I’m gay!” full of confidence.

However, I hadn’t planned for this. How was I going to say I’m not actually gay and keep it smooth? Emily walked away and went for a dance. Mr. Smooth was now in uncharted territory. I was now in the Bermuda Triangle without a TomTom.

I spend ages umm-ing and ahh-ing over what to do next. Maybe I should’ve kept things simple, but I decided that I’d let her leave thinking I was gay, and send her a song saying what I intended. The relevance of it being that she’s a singer too & maybe she’d ‘get it’.

What I hadn’t planned for was how blummin’ difficult it is to write and sing a song. I’ve never been musically educated. My education has mainly come from my Playstation. I am now in a situation, where I realise I’m going to have to learn to sing and have some poor soul (my friend Patrick) help me write and produce a song for a girl who may or may not now remember me.

I feel like I have a duty to complete the song and share it with you guys (and Emily) when it’s done. But golly, next time I’ll just tell a girl I’m straight and dive in for a kiss/slap. That’s much easier than doing it my way.

So guys & girls, moral of the story; don’t do a David. Don’t pretend you’re gay when you’re actually straight. Unless you have a song ready of course. Then it’s fine, maybe.


This is the video of the Second Bean Shower; Beans for Mind.
I hope some things I say at the end perhaps strike a chord and hope that you enjoy!

Bean Shower 2. Mission Accomplished.

I felt the pressure! – I had some bad pre-match nerves. Maybe you can have a bit of sympathy for not being overly psyched about having beans poured over my head. Cold and sticky.

However, I thought of the cause. I thought of how it’d be okay afterwards. My friends were wonderfully supportive. To get words of encouragement really meant a lot. I spent a lot of my life without friends nearby, living in a countryside area. Maybe I didn’t value my friends enough before. Having a strong support base is so important to achieve.

Buzz Killington almost struck again – Last time I did a Bean Shower I kind of interrupted a romantic moment for one unfortunate couple. This time, to my horror, there was an after-wedding ceremony walking through the park as we arrived. Everyone with not a hair out of place. I’m sure it’s for the best that they were just about finished when we arrived. 

Things I’ve Learned

Accept fear and nervousness as natural to our lives. Use it as positive energy. You get nervous when you’re about to do something big where there’s big risk, but where there’s big risk, comes big reward.

I love my friends. Okay, so this may sound soppy. But seriously, all the words of encouragement and support today really drove me on and gave me energy when I had doubts. Thank you so much.

Video coming shortly…! (Superb camera work by Oliver Thomas).

After the interest in the first Bean Shower I’ve decided to host another one so more people can see the action live!

The purpose of the Beans For Mind campaign is to show people that no matter how stigmatized or silly you may feel you look, there is actually no harm in showing your emotions and opening up to someone.

Going to the doctors, or just speaking to someone you know and trust… Either way, if you feel you may be suffering from depression, talk about it. Raise the issue & you’ll be on your way to doing something about it!

There’s more to this video than me showing off my crotch (unintentionally) & and pajama bottoms.
Deets about the Bean Shower & stuff.

Depression is such a difficult issue to talk about. Where do I start? Who do I talk to? What can I do?
These questions at first can be so difficult to answer, that you give up trying to look.
However, there are plenty of people out there, young & old, who can help you out no matter what.

I’ve spent my Saturday & Sunday dressed up as a Dragon in support of Fresh Start Wales at the Caerphilly Big Cheese Festival (

There’s something about a Dragon with hairy legs that people just seem to love. Even Dr. Dawn from Embarrassing Bodies seemed to enjoy a little hug.

6 months ago, if you had said to me I’d be dressed as a dragon all day, making people laugh and smile, if you said I would be doing that then, I would have laughed. I wouldn’t believe it would happen. That shows how far I have come, but there is so much further for me to go, but hopefully you can come with me or just follow my journey, from Bean Shower to Dragon Dressing.

There’s so much we’re capable of. I am doing a lot of this work as a way to prove to myself that my life is to be lived and not spent ill with sadness.

Join me on my journey. Come to my Bean Shower at Cathays Park, Cardiff on the 8th of August, 12:30 & support those suffering from and battling out of depression. This is definitely a case of the more the merrier.

Thanks all for following my blog so far, and hopefully we’re closer to branching out and really making a breakthrough, to help Cardiff, Wales & the World hyho!

Wednesday 8th August @ Cathays Park, Cardiff – 12:30

BYOB, bring your own beans (if you want, you can add them to the bean bucket going over my head.)

This event will be supporting Mind Cymru – A charity that really helped me out when I was running out of options.

Check out the event page on Facebook:

24 Daily Habits

Take the time to read
Some sound advice and easy tips to implement to make a great change to your life.

Many users describe Cymbalta Duloextine as “poison”.

I do wonder who has genuinely been helped by this “SSRI”.
A quick search of forums online and I find the rare comment in support of the drug.
Having taken Cymbalta Duloxetine 30mg for 3 months, then 60mg for 2 weeks (the side-effects were unbareable) – My opinion is that all the drug did was increase my anxiety and nervous tension – I ended up twitching and doing unusual things on this drug. It was a horrible experience, and it was the drug I was using when I started to cut myself.

Can we please stop using this “plastering-over” approach – One tablet fixes all solution to our issues? I have been issued with Duloxetine, Pregabalin (One I do reccommend – helped me sleep), Prozac, Citalopram and a few others I can’t remember the name of.

Use your problems as an opportunity to speak out, try not to take tablets to cover up your feelings even more!

Agorraphobia – My three month battle
Madness – Singing & dancing to “It must be love”
Neighbours – My apology

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